calvary temple miracles Suicide Hope Salvation

From Suicide to Salvation: The Path of Hope

Stephanie Stocks

June 11, 2018

Hope

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

The following is a testimony of Salvation and Hope after suicide attempts

I don’t think I really wanted to die. I needed hope.

I was desperate to get people to see how badly I was hurting. I wanted them to change, and in turn my life would change. I wanted love, peace and hope. I wanted to live. All the things I had used to fill my emptiness were either gone or had lost their effect. Popularity from my looks, the attention I got from guys, drugs, partying, relationships, none of it satisfied me and none of it was lasting. I was trapped in despair and I came to a place of hopelessness that I had never known before. I was sick of living.

I started making a real suicide plan. One that would get the job done.

The only thing holding me back was the fear of dying. I thought maybe a new start was what I needed. So, I moved down to Atlanta to live with my mom. I met new people to party with and was able to distract myself for a while from the terrible ache in my heart. I was still trying to read the devotional books my aunt had given me over the years, so I would wake up, make my coffee, roll a joint and have my devotional time.

I also started hanging out with a woman I had met through my mom. She was very charismatic and seemed very spiritual. She always had her little New Testament Bible with her. She believed that smoking weed was the secret knowledge to knowing God. She had told me one time that she was an angel, and a prophet sent by God. That she was not from this world. It was a little weird, but I thought, if I can keep smoking pot and still be right with God, you can be whoever you want to be.

I believed in God. I believed that Jesus died on the cross. I believed he rose from the dead. I knew everything the Bible said was true. Somehow, I thought I was right with God and that I would go to heaven when I died. I didn’t want anyone to have full control of my life except for me. I had wanted to know God and be right with God on my terms. Yes, I clearly committed all kinds of sins, but I reasoned that God knew why I did what I did. I had been neglected, mistreated, rejected, betrayed. I was a victim. I expected God to overlook my sins and allow me to come into heaven just as I was.

Soon things took a turn for the worse. My mom lost her apartment, and she moved in with her boyfriend. I moved in with the charismatic woman, her boyfriend and her children. But she started getting weirder and weirder. She was involved with demonic influence and it was terrifying. I started getting sick a lot. I was breaking out in weird skin rashes, and I couldn’t sleep at night.

The word of God that I had been taught in Sunday school and all the things I learned from my Aunt kept coming back to me.

I started to feel very wrong about smoking pot and the life style I was leading and saying it was okay with God. One day I confronted my friend and told her how I felt. She told me I was not free enough in the spirit to sin, and God was disgusted with me. She started getting not only weird but scary. She was very aggressive, and I was worried that if I didn’t agree with her she would hurt me or call up her spirits to try and persuade me. I needed to get away from her. My mom and I planned a trip to Florida for thanksgiving. I told the woman I was going for a long weekend, but while she was not home I packed my few belongings and made my escape. I never saw her again.

With my mom in Atlanta

I didn’t know what to do. I needed to stay away from the crazy woman. I was sick of smoking pot. It wasn’t fun anymore, but I just didn’t know how to stop. And honestly, I was scared to stop. How would I exist in reality without any kind of defense from the fear and anger and emptiness that consumed me? My Aunt had told me, “Jesus can satisfy you.” So, I stepped out in faith, and put Jesus to the test. I said out loud, “Okay Jesus, you say you can satisfy me, so come and do it.” I threw my cigarettes and the last of my weed away. Nothing magical or mystical happened right away, but I had strength to take another step. I called my aunt to tell her what i had done.

I remember very clearly the realization in my heart and the change that took place when I encountered Jesus for the third time.

All my life I had made God into who I wanted him to be. I had been a victim and I felt God should give me a free pass. I didn’t want anyone to have full control of my life except for me. I had wanted to know God and be right with him, but on my terms, not His. And it had never worked. Until God opened my eyes, and I saw Jesus as the victim of my actions and sins.

The reality that God loved my while I was in that miserable state of sin and independence was what led me to repent and turn form my own ways.

I was captured and captivated by the loving kindness of a holy and just God who would be right in sending me to hell, but because of what Jesus did on the cross, he embraced me and welcomed me to be his child. I had never known love and acceptance before. But now I had the peace and joy I had been desperately searching for since I was four years old. It was Jesus. He was the answer. I was born again Praise God!

I no longer wanted to die. For the first time in my life I had hope and it didn’t come from anything or anyone but Jesus.

Jesus delivered me from drugs and drinking, and my life was completely different. I still had to deal with a lot of my emotional struggles that I had carried for a very long time. But instead of getting high or turning to a boyfriend, I learned how to run to Jesus. I spent many nights face down on the floor crying and pouring my heart out to him. He always met me right where I was at and as I trusted in him, he healed my heart day by day. I learned how to look to the word of God and live by the scriptures, and not my emotions or circumstances. My hope was no longer dependent on people or things, but on Jesus alone, and because of that I had hope regardless of my situations.

Cheerleading Coach for Vacation Bible School

Suicide is something that is becoming more and more rampant in our society especially among teenagers. Recently in the news we’ve heard of the deaths of Robin Williams, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. All taken by their own hands. There are so many who are fighting the same battle I once was. So many who are empty, lost, and hopeless, desperately searching for peace and purpose in life. We try to fill our hearts with so many things, but the Bible says that we were made by God and for God so only he is able to fill us.

Jesus is our only Hope for deliverance.

My circumstances definitely contributed to my struggle with depression. And my situation made me more aware of the hopelessness of this life and led to thoughts of suicide. But the real reason for my miserable existence was because I was in the world without God and without hope. My constant turmoil was because I was not right with God. I wasn’t happy because my sins weren’t forgiven. Even during the times when things were going the way I wanted, and I had something to look forward to, there was still a void inside.

Best Friends and Sisters in the Lord

Its been 18 years since Jesus did a miracle in my heart! I have never been the same. He is a good and faithful God. He is my greatest treasure. He has blessed me with so much more than what is necessary and what I deserve. He placed me in this church at Calvary Temple where I have attended for 15 years. I’m loved, and cared for by the body of Christ, and continue to grow in my walk with the Lord.

With my friend Sarah and our girls

God has blessed me with an amazing husband who I met at my church. He is a Man who loves God with all his heart, and who loves me with a love that is beyond what I thought possible. We’ve been married for 10 years now and through good times and not so good, he is still the delight of my heart, and I’m his because Jesus is first in both of our lives. We’ve been blessed with two children who are our treasure. I am so thankful for the beautiful life God had prepared for me since before the beginning of time.

I never dreamed of the blessings the Lord had in store for me

During those years of suffering and sin, I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have the life that I have now.

If you can relate to my story on any level, I want to tell you, God is full of compassion and tender mercies. His loving kindness is better than life. His love is limitless and he loves you. God sees you, and he cares. He knows every tear you’ve ever cried, and every heartache you’ve ever had. He knows every fear that haunts you, and every bondage that holds you. He also knows how to comfort you, and how to heal you. There is nothing you have done that God cannot forgive. His hand his strong and he is mighty to save! He will not turn you away when you come to Him. He wants to give you a new life. All you have to do is step out in faith and put your trust in Him. Jesus will meet you where you are. Let him do a miracle in your heart and in your life! You can read more about God’s plan of salvation for your life here.

Don’t miss Part 1 of Candace’s story, Drug Addiction, Depression and Suicide.

ABOUT CALVARY TEMPLE

Calvary Temple is an independent church which holds to all Assemblies of God tenets of faith. Calvary Temple ministries include Discipleship Training, adult Bible college, media ministry, and an aggressive missions program.

Pastor Star R. Scott is Senior Pastor of Calvary Temple in Sterling, Virginia, where he has ministered since 1973. In addition to the pastoral gift, Pastor Scott functions in the five-fold offices of apostle and prophet. He has planted churches, and currently oversees the pastors and ministries of numerous satellite churches.

Visit Calvary Temple online on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube,Flickr,Instagram

Drug Addiction, Depression and Suicide

Stephanie Stocks

June 4, 2018

Calvary temple, Deliverance, Healing, Prayers, Salvation

“Remember that you were at that time separate from Christ…having no hope and without God in the world.” Ephesians 2:12

The following is a testimony of deliverance and hope after multiple attempts to commit suicide

I first heard about Jesus in Sunday School at 5 years old.

The teacher stood at a felt board with a cross and a heart. She shared the simple story of how God sent his son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. If we asked him into our heart, he would come in and he would save us and forgive us, and we could be in heaven with him when we died. I remember feeling like I was different from the other children. I felt like I was dirty, and they all seemed so wholesome. It became real to me that morning that Jesus loved me. That was the first of many times I would ask Jesus to come into my heart and save me.

I was not a happy care free child, always sad and anxious. I spent many sleepless nights crying and full of anxiety, praying to the Jesus I’d heard about at my grandparents’ church. Please keep my mom safe, and send me to live with her one day. And I would ask him to come into my heart and save me over and over.

By the time I was nineteen I would have tried to commit suicide three times.

As a teenager, I started drinking and smoking pot very heavily. There was not a day that went by that I didn’t get high. I got high when I woke up, I got high on the way to school. I would walk out of school during the day to get high, I got high after school, and I got high into the evening. My friends started calling me Cannabis. Most of them partied on the weekend just for fun, but I got high to survive the sadness and anger over my childhood. Getting high was an escape from all the bad feelings inside of me.

My life was going downhill and becoming more reckless.

I was constantly in trouble at school, being called to the Vice Principal’s office several times a week. Punished with detention for not doing assignments, for being late, for disrupting class and for being a clown. Getting suspended for being a loud mouth and disrespecting authority. I said and did whatever I wanted. If my teachers crossed me, I would verbally assault them in front of the class. I absolutely hated authority and I loved creating conflict with them. I knew I wasn’t going to suffer any consequences or discipline at home. It was empowering. No one could control me, and I could do whatever I wanted. I thought I had nothing to lose, but I was failing school, I was caught smoking and kicked out of cheer leading, and I was deeply unhappy.

The only time I knew any of peace or walked in any kind of sanity was when I would go to visit my Aunt and Uncle who were Christians.

From the time I was 12 until I was 16, I would stay with them for 2 weeks every summer. There would be no smoking, drinking or getting high. I would go to church, read my Bible, read my devotional, and loved to listen to Christian music. There was such a peace during those weeks. I didn’t have inner peace, but I was surrounded by the peace that radiated from their home and their lives. I purposed that when I got home, I was going to be good. No drugs, alcohol, or partying. I was not going to have relations with my boyfriend, I was going to go to church and do my devotions every day. But every single time, within hours of getting home, I was back to my old lifestyle, and worse than I was before, powerless to do what I knew was right.

The first time I tried to commit suicide I was 14.

I spent a week in Intensive Care. It was there that I had my second encounter with Jesus. A girl from my grandparent’s church had come to see me. She had been praying for me at their request when they became concerned about my lascivious lifestyle. I remember when I opened my eyes and saw her face. She looked so peaceful. With love in her eyes and compassion in her voice, she took my hand and said “Candace, Jesus loves you.” I knew it was Jesus talking to me and reaching out to me through her.

I didn’t receive the Lord then. I continued partying and got involved with an older man. At 15 I became pregnant. He told me it was him or the baby. I didn’t want to abort my baby, I wanted to at least give it up for adoption, but he did not. I was young, and I didn’t want to lose the only person who had ever made me feel loved, he was my whole world. By the time I made the choice to abort my baby, I had convinced myself I was making the best choice for everyone including the baby, so I went through with it. Immediately after the abortion, I felt an incredible emptiness inside. I hated myself even more intensely than before. Anytime regret or grief came up I justified my choice with all the reasons why I did the right thing.

I also began to get high more and more to drown out my guilt and shame. I had dabbled with cocaine, mushrooms and LSD from time to time in the past, but I mostly smoked pot because that was the drug always available in my home town. Living in the city meant more types of drugs were available to me and I could get them in greater volume. My whole life was one big party. During this time my relationship with my mom was at its worst. I had so much anger and bitterness toward her. She started trying to do what was best for me and saying a word I was not used to, “No!” Well, I was not having that. I had gone my whole life doing what I wanted, and I wasn’t about to change. But I was 16 and living the fast life was getting old.

I was deeply depressed, and when my boyfriend broke up with me, I tried to commit suicide by overdosing for the second time.

Again, I ended up in the hospital and it was one of the lowest points of my life. When I was released, I was sent to a juvenile psychiatric ward. I begged my mom to let me come home, but she did what she knew would be best for me. She left me there to be evaluated, and to ensure I wouldn’t be able to harm myself again.

I hated every minute of that place. It was very depressing. I had no way to do drugs or distract myself from my inner turmoil. It was also very disturbing. I shared a room with a girl who would wake up screaming and hallucinating.

I knew that unlike her, my depression was not a mental condition but a heart condition.

After a few weeks I was finally able to go home, but with some stipulations. I had to continue seeing a psychiatrist and stay on antidepressants, and I had to go back to school. I despised all the stipulations, but anything was better that being a prisoner in the psych ward. Emotionally fragile, and afraid of returning to public school, the psychiatrist recommended I attend a small tutoring center for teens who didn’t do well in social situations, or who had “emotional disabilities.”

I worked hard, and eventually applied and received acceptance to the Rochester School of the Arts alternative program. My Junior year of high school began with a new hope. But I still did not give up drugs altogether. Every day, as soon as I finished my homework I would get high. On the weekends I would party hard and try to recover on Sunday to get ready to go back to school on Monday. As time went on, it became harder and harder to not get high and party as much as I use to.

The emptiness in my heart was glaring and consuming.

The antidepressants were making me feel like a zombie, so I stopped taking them. My grades started slipping and I couldn’t wait for summer break to be free from the responsibility and discipline I had put myself under to do well at school. I returned to my home town to party with my old friends.

By Christmas, I moved out of my dad’s house and moved in with my friend and her boyfriend. I started using a lot of cocaine and dropped out of the School of the Arts. My friend’s boyfriend kicked me out because I couldn’t keep a job and wasn’t contributing in any way. It was the dead of winter in western New York and I spent a few miserable nights sleeping in my car. My dad had pity, and rented a small apartment for me above a store on Main Street. I didn’t have a job, but in exchange for doing dishes at a friend’s place of employment I would get a meal.

I was beat up by life and felt very alone, hard, and numb. No matter how much alcohol I would drink or pot I would smoke, I couldn’t get the high I was looking for. I was paranoid and anxious; an empty shell at 19. I had no tears, no passion, no vibrancy. I didn’t care about anything. I was without hope.

But this is only the middle of my story. With Jesus, there is always HOPE.

Read Part 2 of Candace’s testimony: From Suicide to Salvation: The Path of Hope

If you are struggling with thoughts about committing suicide, or feel hopeless with nowhere to turn, Jesus is the answer! He loves you more than you can even imagine. Reach out to him today and he will radically change your life and fill you with peace and joy. You are not alone. Read more about God’s love for you and the Hope you can have in Jesus here.

ABOUT CALVARY TEMPLE

Calvary Temple is an independent church which holds to all Assemblies of God tenets of faith. Calvary Temple ministries include Discipleship Training, adult Bible college, media ministry, and an aggressive missions program.

Pastor Star R. Scott is Senior Pastor of Calvary Temple in Sterling, Virginia, where he has ministered since 1973. In addition to the pastoral gift, Pastor Scott functions in the five-fold offices of apostle and prophet. He has planted churches, and currently oversees the pastors and ministries of numerous satellite churches.

Visit Calvary Temple online on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube,Flickr,Instagram

God Can Restore What Was Lost

Stephanie Stocks

January 4, 2016

Prayers, Salvation

“I will restore the years that the locust has eaten” Joel 2:25

The Following Testimony was submitted by Rodney Smith

I have a son that I did not see for almost 20 years.

Because of my sin and selfishness, I had not had a relationship with Nathan from birth. I had only met my financial obligations. But after my repentance, the Holy Spirit began to weigh it heavily on my heart to reach out to him. Through hours of prayer and biblical counsel I chose to write Nathan a sincere letter of apology and told him about how God had changed my life. I wasn’t sure that he would even read the letter, but in it I told him that if at any time he wanted to contact me I would welcome it.

Through the mercy of God, it wasn’t long before Nathan contacted me. He told me that he was a born-again believer and attended a spirit-filled church. He told me that he forgave me. Even though he had never met me and could have been bitter and resentful, instead he had been praying for me and my salvation for 13 years. He had wanted nothing more than to meet his dad and for him to know Jesus.

“I am confident that my salvation was an answer to the persevering prayer of a child moving in faith for 13 years, Hallelujah!”

God has blessed me with the opportunity to be reconciled with my youngest son, and now we are getting to know each other.

If you’ve been blessed reading the testimony of what our Lord has done, check out the other posts on my homepage.

About Calvary Temple

Calvary Temple is an independent church which holds to all Assemblies of God tenets of faith. Calvary Temple ministries include Discipleship Training, adult Bible college, media ministry, and an aggressive missions program.

Pastor Star R. Scott is Senior Pastor of Calvary Temple in Sterling, Virginia, where he has ministered since 1973. In addition to the pastoral gift, Pastor Scott functions in the five-fold offices of apostle and prophet. He has planted churches, and currently oversees the pastors and ministries of numerous satellite churches.

Visit Calvary Temple online on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube,Flickr,Instagram

The Miracle of Salvation

Stephanie Stocks

November 10, 2014

Salvation

Hi Everyone, Today on Calvary Temple Miracles at Calvary Temple Church with Pastor Star R. Scott, I wanted to share a testimony of Salvation. To always remember the Scripture in John 3:3- “Verily, verily I say unto thee, Except a man be Born Again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

My name is Bill Snow. I am 42 years old and I am a member of Calvary Temple church in Sterling, VA. My story starts out like many others, as I grew up going to church on a regular basis, I would go with my parents every Sunday. I grew up hearing about God as a teenager unfortunately for me at this time in my life I was too caught up with wanting to “experience” the world and all I thought it had to offer. I would later discover through my bad choices and the consequences of those choices that I wasn’t in as much control of my life or the things that affected my life as I thought I was. It was obvious that I not only needed a character change, a lifestyle change but I needed a new heart.
During this time in my life I would visit a local church every once in a while. During one of those visits a guest speaker was teaching about how there was this woman in the bible named Rahab who was a prostitute and also in the lineage of Jesus Christ. This blew my mind as I had never heard that before. One of the lies of the devil that I had believed at that time was that I had done too many bad things for God to save me or use me, I thought I had to fix my life first, yet here I was hearing this truth that God not only had forgiven and accepted this woman (Rahab) but chose to use her in a significant way. At that point I had no excuse for why I couldn’t give my life to Christ. The guest speaker gave an altar call at the end of her message but I chose not to go down at the time. But then as she closed she prayed something I had never heard before, she prayed that anyone who didn’t know Christ would not be able to rest that night. At the time I thought that was pretty strange but me being who I was, tried not to let it bother me too much. But sure enough that night I didn’t get much sleep and I actually had a dream that would dramatically change my life, a dream in which I would encountered the Lord and come face to face with the reality that I wasn’t right with God and if unrepentant I wasn’t going to heaven but to hell. In the dream it was made crystal clear to me that in God’s view my life was not acceptable to Him, not just because I had not done any good things up to that point but rather because I didn’t know Jesus Christ personally, it became evident to me through this dream that Jesus had been trying to get my attention all along but I had rejected Him over and over in order to have my fun and experience life on my own terms. When I woke up from the dream I got down on my knees and cried out intensely to the Lord to save me! I suppose it had quite the affect on my then girlfriend, Donita, as she got down on her knees and asked the Lord into her life as well. Jesus answered my prayer in a mighty way, He gave me a new heart right then and there and the weight of all my sin I had been carrying around for years was supernaturally gone, Praise God for His mercy! My life transformation took place in August of 1997. I was filled with the Holy Spirit a few months later and have been walking with the Lord ever since. To be clear I am not perfect but now when I fall short and commit a sin I repent by God’s grace as becoming more like Jesus is my life’s goal. I can testify that the Lord is a very faithful God, He has never failed me though I have failed Him many times over the years. His mercy endures forever!
Shortly after being born again I got married to Donita, my wife of 16 years now and we moved to Sterling Virginia through much prayer and the leading of the Holy Spirit primarily to be closer and more involved in our church.
God has blessed us in many ways, my wife, my son Jamal and I are now very involved in various ministries at our local fellowship from helping out with boy’s basketball program to ushering, being a door greeter (in the house of the Lord) and also often help out with various evangelistic outreaches.
Some of the disciplines that I practice in my life are regular bible study, prayer, consistent church attendance and sharing the gospel when I’m out and about. By God’s grace I purpose to know Christ more and more and to follow the Holy scriptures as I prepare for Jesus’ soon return. Although having these disciplines and performing good works don’t necessarily prove that I’m born again or right with God, they do provide some insight to what my life is like today and how God has dramatically changed me from who I used to be to who He is making me into, for this I am grateful to the Lord Jesus Christ for His mercy, forgiveness and a true dynamic relationship with the great God of heaven is available to anyone and all who call on and believes in the name of the Lord!
Romans 10:13 says it this way. “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Please visit Calvary Temple Ministries Pastor Star R. Scott.